you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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