so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
