How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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