A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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