that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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