whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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