We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
