literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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