i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
