so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
