A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
