My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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