Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
