He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
