I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
