party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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