Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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