i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
as a side note pls kill me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize