Umm I'm too high to move.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
