If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
