Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
