You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
