I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
