We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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