you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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