You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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