Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
