I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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