This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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