Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
