tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
