Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
