Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
