So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
