Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize