we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize