A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
