At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
