Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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