sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize