if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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