Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
