before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
