LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize