And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
ugly people sure do ruin things
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
