i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
