Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
