My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
