Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
