I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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