dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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