the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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