I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
