Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
