Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
