fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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