Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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