Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
