Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
