Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
