Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
