So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
