you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
