I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
