stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
